Spellbound

Efforts to breach long-established patterns have seen germinal progress this week, most notably in the recent dismissal of carbonated beverages from my meal routine.  Without the artificial satiety of diet soda or seltzer waters I am left much more in tune with signals from within.  Not only have I witnessed an improved awareness of hunger cues, but I am also more willing to concede to exhaustion when backward impulses might conversely solicit activity.  (As related previously, I have trained myself to engage in frequent walking errands and will summon guilt should certain levels of exercise not be achieved.  Anorexic thoughts will also goad me towards sessions on our house's stationary bicycle, which resides comfortably adjacent to a television for easy distraction during workouts.)  The torment I wrestle with in this regard is familiar to me, as I am accustomed to denying cravings and muffling irrational whims.  What is unusual with this given recovery route, of course, is my need to restrict the very act of restriction, at least when it comes to food or rest.  Now, instead of mindlessly relying on soda to quench a thirst, I must dedicate the space needed for the preparation of a more holistic brew, examples being tea, lemon water, or milk substitute.  Should I recognize weakness of constitution or fading facilities, afternoon naps should not be seen as proof of delinquency.  I have raised my appreciation of Diet Coke to near-fetish levels; now I see the unhealthy hold of its toxic recipe.  The question remains, should I permit myself the rare indulgence when, say, at a restaurant or film?  Is it safe for me to take up a drink as long as on rare occasion?  It seems to me that pop's ability to do harm is when consumed in large volume, especially when stocked in one's larder.  If removed from easy access, might I still imbibe?  If I was speaking now in a sponsored addiction program the answer would be easy.  But am I facing a chemical dependency that should be treated with the same grade of gravity and obstinate resolution as alcohol or narcotics?  My strategy at present is to proceed as long as I can without personally purchasing any more of the product; should I come across it in other opportunities, I cannot yet predict my reaction.  Whatever response I follow, I can at least attest it will be thoughtfully gauged and not made while under the spell of habitual abuse.

Season of the witch:  local witch hazel acts to remind me that I am possessed by my addictions.  Perhaps an in"can"tation or curse was released with the pull of an aluminum Coca-Cola tab?