Reply Hazy Try Again

My brain is bobbing, bouncing like a carnival goldfish in a plastic bag of water.  Or, rather, sloshing spinal fluid has it engulfed -- a floating triangle in murky purple liquid, my skull a Magic Eight Ball too rattled to provide answers.  While I wait for the inky bubbles to clear, I feel my sour stomach has curled inward and under, as if the lower lip of a stubborn child.  I am reduced to communicating in halting metaphor, my mind detached, my insides expiring.  Days are frustrating and despondent, as again and again I fail to create new artwork.  Instead, I fill the hours with empty, trivial chores and exercises.  Only minutes ago was I walking hurriedly from the local grocery, embracing a cumbersome bag of cat litter to my chest like a body pillow.  The surrounding scene is the same bleak rural town, now in late spring:  dark clouds and misty drizzle spitting at my face in contempt.  In two days I have been assigned a review session with a psychiatrist to assess whether something more can be done for me through prescription medicine.  I toss my opinion on the matter, not sure if I am against or in favor of applying additional pills to a problem that is likely a creature grown from lifelong dietary deficiencies.  Whatever the case, I must continue to check myself when OCD takes hold, wrestling awkwardly and uncomfortably from its vigorous command.  Aside from these posts or the occasional written correspondence, assembling a painting or collage is my one true escape, an opportunity at hand to leave a legitimate mark on the world.  This is something I recognize more and more as the years shuffle past -- that I am another numbered card, easily --perhaps already-- lost among a deck of immeasurable millions.  I must take strides to distinguish myself.  To achieve success, however humble, to make something remarkable -- this is the most effective drug within my cabinet.  Will I dedicate time to a project?  Says the Eight Ball:  Without a doubt.  Will such work finally yield the sense of satisfaction and triumph I most desperately crave?  Don't count on it.