In The Company of Jenn

This one goes out to the one I love

- "The One I Love" (R.E.M.,1987's Document)

My sister's influence is palpable and electric; she rustles my deepest feelings, raising bittersweet memories of a shared past and loosely tangled present.  In her shadow I am reminded of my stunted emotional growth and frustrated plans.  Pettiness compels me to stack her talents and accomplishments against my own, but the panoramic magnificence she displays is essentially impossible to measure.  By the end of high school she was a distinguished academic, thespian, singer, writer, artist, and revered local beauty, elected "Miss 4th of July" after reaching salutatorian status in a class of equally remarkable peers.  In the ensuing years she has secured roles with countless independent filmmakers, studied drama at a top London academy, shown great skill and knowledge in working with fine cuisine, and, more recently,  mastered Pilates in both practice and instruction.  Needless to say, J. commands a powerful gravitational force.  A radiant celestial object, she swiftly lassos you into her orbit.  She is a star.

People of her ilk, residents of that astral plane beyond Earth's far mesosphere, are achievers.  They set the bar astronomically high, expecting others to do the same.  J. is in top physical form, with what one calls a "dancer's build".  But she arrived at this ideal only after listening to the needs of her body.  Half a decade ago it was revealed that she carries an acute form of celiac disease, which requires her to drastically limit her groceries to a handful of categories.  To my understanding, violent stomach pain and mental sluggishness develop should her intestines become exposed to even a single allergen.  Currently, the list of known offenders includes:  grains or flour, cornstarch or arrowroot, potatoes, sweet potatoes, or any starchy vegetables, corn, all soys and soy by-products, sugar, milk/cream, beans (excluding lentils), chocolate (unless she literally grinds the cocoa by hand), all preservatives, coagulants, and emulsifiers.  She cannot even use bottled herbal mixtures such as Mrs. Dash because of specific additives that help to keep the ingredients from clumping (and the fact that gluten is present at its processing centers).  Instead, J. relies on a sort of Adkins-Mediterranean plan, wherein fat is embraced for its essential vitamins and oils.  From what I can observe, richer foods are allowed, sensibly portioned in accordance to what one craves.  Vegetables are key; protein derived from meats, eggs, hard cheeses, and homemade goat's milk yogurt also figure-in prominently.  Coconut water, bananas, honey, almond butter, dates, frozen grapes, tea, coffee, and, in small doses, a small family of alcohols (wine, champagne, ciders, port, sherry, liquers/spirits, whiskey*) are the primary, if only, indulgences.  All are pure, fresh, and, in most cases, organic.

It has been beneficial to witness J.'s lifestyle first-hand in order to establish an informed understanding of her eating routines.  I was admittedly worried that this precisely calibrated diet of hers what in fact dieting, as I have seen gluten intolerance used as a means of dodging carbohydrate intake by women looking to "reduce".  (At eating disorder treatment centers, medically-based allergies can act as an anorexic's "get out of jail free card" when they interfere with menu requirements.  Of course, this can backfire when the claimant is prescribed something even less palatable, commonly Boost or Ensure.)  It can also be concerning when someone is an athlete by profession, as my sister's job seems to demand a high level of energy expenditure.  To her credit, J. explained to me that she consumes the calories necessary to support her workouts, and I have maturely tolerated indications of her various sessions when they happen here or elsewhere.  In fact, I have napped on my bed while she practiced heavy-breathing (yoga?) in an adjacent room.  I want her to feel comfortable doing what she needs to do.  At the end of the day, the ultimate evidence of her vitality is defined by science.  To put it bluntly, she is capable of child-bearing.  According to elementary biology, this is nature's reliable indicator that a specimen is superior and would benefit its order to breed.  In terms of evolution, J. is a taller giraffe.

I lost weight when first stressing about my sibling's impending arrival, but to be honest I had "fallen off the wagon" weeks before she even announced her plans.  I was neglecting my commitment to more nutritious foods, skipping my Orgain shake at lunch and filling-up again on lettuce doused in mustard and pickle juice in a late-night binge.  Fortunately, my diet soda consumption continues at at a reduced level.  For whatever reasons, I had forgotten my goals and again engaged in "power walks" and pedaling on the stationary bike.  Over this last weekend my scale confirmed the return of a pound or greater, as J. has been kind enough to nudge me in a positive direction.  My initial panic has been assuaged; I am greeted each morning with a cup of J.'s signature kale-berry juice and glad that I am awarded the respect and privacy to meet my nutrition goals with relative independence.  I have taken the responsibility to not sneak off for longer walks than those recommended by my dietician, and I plan to put a moratorium on weighing myself until significant progress might be seen.  I hope to come out the other side of this summer with a little more strength --physically and in my sororal relationship.  I've never believed I could live at J.'s level, but, to paraphrase Kanye West's lyrics from "Home", aiming at a star could (at worst) land you among the clouds.

My sister the super-hero:  J. as She-ra (with a now-verboten candy
apple), Halloween 1985.  That's me to the right as a "Star Fairy."

*According to a cursory internet search, whisky, despite being derived from barley, is approved for celiacs because the distillation process cancels its effects by removing its offending proteins.  However, no hard liquor made from grains should be consumed during the early stages of a gluten-free regimen, warns the Celiac Sprue Association.