Straw 'pole

In a desperate bid for a "quick fix" to correct my severely depleted physical reserves, I permitted a close acquaintance familiar with my situation dare me into drinking a frozen dessert frappe at the local McDonalds.  Given that I'm virtually orthorexic, this was no minor effort on my end, although for him it is a no-sweat treat.  (He casually pointed-out several menu items routinely ordered as dinner, totaling well over two thousand calories per meal.)  My companion likes to frequent food chains like Applebees and smaller stands such as Maine's own Wasses Hot Dogs, preferring "American" cuisine built on meat 'n potatoes.  But for Lorena Stackpole, this would be a new and unwanted gesture, although for myself and other strict dieters, there exists occasional interest in whether such concoctions live up to their hype.  Let's just say my curiosity was more than satisfied, the product being oddly wan and unquestionably wretched, what with a vein of imitation-chocolate syrup that made me thirst for anything else to counteract such manufactured, hollow sweetness.  Needless to say, I would be positively surprised to step foot beneath those ubiquitous Golden Arches ever again.  My displeasure was recorded the following day via e-mail exchange with a like-minded confidant.  An excerpt:

Q:  What friend asked you into drinking that nasty thing from McDonalds?  Ugh.  Why do people have it so wrong?  The object is to eat things that are good for you, or damn tasty at least!!!

A:  Oh, you have no idea the agony my gut was in within the hour after taking that horrible poison into my system!  I would have GLADLY exchanged it for a coconut-kale concoction with almond butter and ice.  My therapist, a lovely and trusted adviser, agreed that I should be allowed wholesome, natural fats and nutrients, not a laundry list of preservatives (as tallied in the official ingredient report).

I concluded with three selfies --two obscured-- in addition to the obligatory image of some random kitten devouring a Coolatta, as encountered on Google Images.  Needless to say, the McD slogan of "I'm Lovin' It" was NOT realized in this experience...