Wishlist MMXIII: A Compendium of Cool in Current and Classic Chrismahanukwanzakah Craveables

RECENT RELEASES & RETRO GEMS IN BOOKS, DISCS, ART, TOYS, GADGETRY (WITH CHARITABLE CAUSES FOR GOOD MEASURE)

"LOVE FADES AWAY.  BUT THINGS...THINGS LAST FOREVER." - Tom Haverford, #ParksandRec (Episode 81)

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ACCESSORIES:  BEAUTY & FASHION

theBalm® Hot Mama! All-In-One Shadow & Blush

Basic Black Satin Sleep Mask

Burt's Bees® Tinted Lip Balm (Rose)

Egg White Swedish Facial Soap

Eu My Cologne Spray by George Takei

Flecked Turban Beanie (Light Grey)

Folding Cork iPhone® Case

Goorin Bros. Official "BREAKING BAD" Heisenberg Hat

Helvetica The Perfume™

"THE HUNGER GAMES" Reproduction Mockingjay Pin

Magno® Black Glycerine Soap (2 Count)

N.Y.C. New York Color® "Sparkle Eye Dust" (Champagne)

RoC Retinol Correxion® Deep Wrinkle Day Cream with SPF

Star Wars™ Celebration V Lando Calrissian Disguise Kit

Taverna Leather Gloves (Black)

Top Knot Spongy Polyester Bun Ring

Touchscreen Stretch Gloves (Black & White)

Vintage Fur Collar Wrap

Vintage Midcentury Silk Scarves

Vintage Retro Eyewear

Vintage Shaving Mug

AUDIO

Arcade Fire -- Reflektor

The Beach Boys -- Made In California (Box Set)

The Beatles -- Live at the BBC:  The Collection (Box Set)

The Bryan Ferry Orchestra -- The Jazz Age

David Bowie -- The Next Day (Deluxe Edition)

Daft Punk -- Random Access Memories

Kurt Braunohler -- How Do I Land? (Comedy)

Gramophone for iPhone® & iPad® 

Chris Hardwick -- Mandroid (Comedy)

Albert Tootie Heath, Ben Street, & Ethan Iverson -- Tootie's Tempo

Kumail Nanjiani -- Beta Male (Comedy)

Harry Nilsson -- The RCA Albums Collection (Box Set)

Tig Notaro -- Live [from Largo]/Live At The Moth (Dual CD Comedy Set)

"MAD MEN" Christmas CD -- Music From and Inspired By the Hit TV Series

Eugene Mirman -- An Evening Of Comedy In A Fake, Underground Laboratory (Comedy)

Sony MDR-ZX100 Headphones (White)

Will Patton -- Stephen King's Doctor Sleep (Audiobook)

Vampire Weekend -- Modern Vampires of the City (Vinyl)

BENEFICIAL/PHILANTHROPIC

Heifer® International Honor Cards

Hilarity For Charity™ eBay Auctions

Laughing Man Coffee & Tea, LLC

Make-A-Wish® Foundation "Batkid" Fund with Related Auctions

World Wildlife Fund® Species Adoption Kit

BOOKS:  PHOTOGRAPHY - ILLUSTRATION - STYLE

Art Made from Books:  Altered, Sculpted, Carved, Transformed

The Art of Bob Peak

The Art of Clean Up:  Life Made Neat and Tidy

Art Studio America:  Contemporary Artist Spaces

Artist/Rebel/Dandy:  Men of Fashion

Big Appetites:  Tiny People in a World of Big Food

Flip Fashion:  The Mix 'n Match Lookbook

George Hurrell's Hollywood:  Glamour Portraits 1925-1992

Go:  A Kidd's Guide to Graphic Design

Great Design:  The World's Best Design Explored & Explained

Hollywood Costume

Hollywood Dogs:  Pictures from the John Kobal Foundation

Hollywood in Kodachrome: 1940-1949

Interwoven Globe:  The Worldwide Textile Trade, 1500-1800

The Noble Approach:  Maurice Noble and the Zen of Animation Design

Norbert Wolf's ART DECO

Norbert Wolf's ART NOUVEAU

Maurice Sendak:  A Celebration of the Artist and His Work

MuchLoved (Stuffed Animal Portraits + Space For Your Own)

100 Contemporary Fashion Designers

The Photographed Cat:  Picturing Human-Feline Ties, 1890-1940

Vanity Fair 100 Years:  From the Jazz Age to Our Age

BOOKS:  GEEKERY (AND MORE POP CULTURE)

Alternative Movie Postures:  Film Art from the Underground

Beautiful LEGO® (Brick Art in Miniature)

Classic Snacks Made from Scratch:  70 Homemade Versions of Your Favorite Brand-Name Treats

Crazy 4 Cult:  Cult Movie Art (As Curated by Gallery 1988)

Crazy 4 Cult:  Cult Movie Art 2 (Gallery 1988's Follow-Up)

Fan Phenomena:  "TWIN PEAKS"

Movie Storyboards:  The Art of Visualizing Screenplays

Part of a Complete Breakfast:  Cereal Characters of the Baby Boom Era

Pulp Fiction:  The Complete Story of Quentin Tarantino's Masterpiece

Shattering Conventions:  Commerce, Cosplay and Conflict on the Expo Floor

Star Trek™:  The Art of Juan Ortiz

Star Wars™ Art:  Concept

Super Graphic: A Visual Guide to the Comic Book Universe

Toy Time!  (Mass-Produced Playthings of the Last Half-Century)

The Wes Anderson Collection

BOOKS:  MEMOIR & BIOGRAPHY

Book of Ages:  The Life and Opinions of Jane Franklin

Cabinet of Curiosities:  My Notebook, Collections, and Other Obsessions

Empty Mansions:  The Mysterious Life of Huguette Clark and the Spending of a Great American Fortune

Hyperbole and a Half:  Unfortunate Situations, Flawed Coping Mechanisms, and Other Things That Happened...

Jim Henson:  The Biography

A Life of Barbara Stanwyck:  Steel True (1907-1940)

Mo' Betta Blues:  The World According To Questlove

The Most of Nora Ephron

A Story Lately Told:  Coming of Age in Ireland, London, & New York

BOOKS:  FICTION

The Circle

The Complete Grimm's Fairy Tales (Knickerbocker Classics)

Life After Life

The Luminaries

Mr. Wuffles!

Solo:  A James Bond Novel

Tenth of December:  Stories

Troubled Daughters, Twisted Wives

EDIBLES

Anthon Berg® Chocolate Liqueurs

Artisan Salts:  24 Flavors in Presentation Box 

Candy Cane Shot Glasses in Gift Box (Set of 6)

Champagne-Filled Dark Chocolates (Box of 6)

"Coal" in Tin Bucket (Small)

Crawford's® Garibaldi Currant-Filled Flat Biscuits (10 Count)

David Lynch Signature Cup® Organic Coffee

Dutch Clogs in Creamy Milk Chocolate (32 Count)

Figaro Squares (Milk Chocolate and Hazelnut Paste Cubes)

Fiore® Artisan Olive Oils & Vinegars

Freeze-Dried "Astronaut" Neapolitan Ice Cream (10 Bars)

Ghirdelli® Holiday Chocolate Assortment (Peppermint Bark, Pumpkin-Caramel, + Eggnog)

Guittard® Milk-Chocolate Balls in Holiday Foil (1 Pound)

Gummy Worms Bulk Assortment (5 Pounds)

Harry Potter™-Style "Butterbeer" Natural Soda (6 Pack)

Hostess® Variety Pack (8 Twinkies + 8 Chocolate Cupcakes)

Katjes® Cat-Shaped Licorice Drops (6 Bags)

"La Pipette" Black Licorice Pipes (Box of 60)

Licorice Scottie Dogs (1.5 Pounds)

Lucky Charms®-style Marshmallows (1 Pound)

Mary Jane® Penny Candy Butter Chews (240 Count)

Mint Julep® Penny Candy Spearmint Taffy (1 Pound)

Nostalgic Gums -- Black Jack®, Beemans®, + Clove® (20 Packs)

Personalized M&Ms (Your Image, Message, + 1-3 Colors)

Peppermint Pig™ and Hammer Set by Seratoga Sweets LTD

Salt Water Taffy in Vintage-Style Tin (1 Pound)

Sevigny's® Thin Ribbon Candy (1 Box)

Smarties® Pastel Candy Necklaces (24 Count)

Taza® Dark Chocolate Fair Trade Mexicano Discs

Tootsie Roll® "Midgees" Chews (360 Count)

Unicorn Meat In A Can by Radiant Farms

Walkers' Nonsuch® Traditional Slab Toffee and Hammer Set

Wonderland "Eat Me" Fruit & Nut Bar with Activity Kit Package

ENTERTAINMENT:  DVDs/MAGAZINES/NEWSLETTERS/STREAMING

ANTIQUES ROADSHOW™ Insider Subscription

Aziz Ansari -- Buried Alive (Netflix Comedy Special)

BOND 50:  Celebrating 5 Decades of Bond 007™ (Box Set)

"BREAKING BAD":  The Complete Series (Deluxe Box Set)

Chromecast® by Google

The Cornetto Trilogy:  "SHAUN OF THE DEAD"/"HOT FUZZ"/"THE WORLD'S END" (Box Set)

Entertainment Weekly Subscription

huluPLUS Trial Membership (1 Week)

Kovels® on Antiques & Collectibles Newsletter Subscription

Lapham's Quarterly Subscription

"MAD MEN":  Seasons 1-6 (Box Sets, Generally Sold Separately)

Netflix Trial Membership (1 Month)

Now Playing TCM Schedule Guide Gift Subscription (12-24 Issues)

"MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000":  25th Anniversary Edition (Box Set)

Vanity Fair Subscription (12 Issues)

HOME & DECOR

Abstract Geometric Landscapes and Other Scenes -- Greta Ault Van Campen

Abstract Landscape and Still Life Paintings -- Susan Headley Van Campen

Apothecary Measuring Vases

Artist's TV Easels

Baker's Cord in Two-Ply Cotton String Set

Caspari® Black Crocodile Gift Wrap Roll

Caspari® Gold Crocodile Gift Wrap Roll

Cat DJ Cardboard Phonograph Scratch Pad 

Ceramic Measuring Hedgehogs

Chia Pet® Ceramic Novelty Planter

Copper Sulfate Firepit Sticks for Blue & Green Flames (70-75 Count)

Custom T-Shirt Quilt -- Kathy Carrier

Decorative Art Nouveau Pewter (Hammered Vases, Candlesticks)

Down-Filled Luxury Foot Duvets

Elephant Aluminum Nut Cracker 

Etsy Gift Certificate Card (E-mail or Print)

Felted Merino Wool Cat Cave

Folded Doily Metal Napkin Holders (Black Lace)

Grosgrain Ribbons in Two-Tone Variety Set

Hipster's Embroidery Hoops -- Alicia Watkins

"Infographic" Poster Prints by Pop Chart Lab

Kitchen Aid® Artisan 5-Quart Stand Mixer

Japanese Washi Rice Paper Tape 

Midcentury Vintage Tablecloths

Narwhal Spotted Felt Ornament (Upon Request at fourTWELVE)

Nutri Bullet™ NBR-12 High-Powered Blender/Mixer

Offray® Satin Ribbons (Various Colors, Patterns, Widths)

Old-School Party Invitations

Pedigreed Cookie Jar (Black Poodle)

Pet Portrait (Custom Oil Painting From Photo)

"Rate Your Cheese" Letterpress Coasters

"Rate Your Whisky" Letterpress Coasters

Redecker® German Goat Hair Duster

Reimagined Movie Posters -- Claudia Varosio

Retro Charging Dock with Detachable Receiver for iPhone®

Saipua Handmade Cold-Processed Castile Soaps

Saturn Press Heavy Stock Note Cards

Saturn Press Sticky Gift Tags

Striped Paper Drinking Straws

Star Wars™ Death Star Tea Infuser


Star Wars™ Tauntaun Sleeping Bag

Survival Kit In A Sardine Can™

Teakwood Jewelry Box

Teardrop Holiday Tree Lights on Copper Wire

Tieren Toy Ornament (Carousel -- Sold Out!)

Time Capsule Kit -- Sarah Grimm

Thymes "Frasier Fir" Home Fragrance Mist

Unusual, Rare Memorabilia For Favored Team

USPS 2013 Commemorative Forever® Stamps

Vintage Swimsuit Postcards

waste not paper® Eco-Friendly Note Cards + Envelopes (8 Count)

Watercolor Studies of Animals, Ships -- Juan Bosco

Wilbury Animal Ornaments (Goat or Fox -- Sold Out!)

Wood Grain Metal Cylinder Trash Bin (Driftwood Grey)

TOYS & TECH

Barbie® as Catwoman™ (1960s Version)

Barbie® as Effie Trinket from "THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE"

Barbie® as Katniss Everdeen from "THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE"

Barbie® as Audrey Hepburn in "ROMAN HOLIDAY"

Barbie® -- The Audrey Hepburn as Sabrina™ Doll

Barbie® as Grace Kelly -- Monaco Arrival Ensemble

Barbie® as Grace Kelley -- 1956 Wedding Attire

CLUE® Board Game -- Reimagined as "THE BIG BANG THEORY"

Hot Wheels® Car Maker Playset

iPhone® 5s

LEGO® "BACK TO THE FUTURE" DeLorean + Minifigures

LEGO® 2013 Complete Minifigure Series 9 with Hollywood Starlet, "Chicken Suit Guy" (Set of 16)

LEGO® Palace Cinema Playset with Classic-Style Limousine

"Library of Classics" MP3 Player with 100 Preloaded Novels (Speaker Sold Separately)

Ken® as Batman™ (1960s Version)

Kindle Fire® HDX 7"

Plush Microbes (Cells, Diseases, Viruses)

Plush Organs (Brain, Heart, Kidney, Uterus, etc.)

Steiff® Vintage Stuffed Animals (Generally Sold Separately) 

Word! Disposable Camera with Trendy Phrases (Sold Out!) 

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(TREAT YO' SELF)

Every Jake, Jill, and Betsy -- Come Follow Me To Etsy!

RENDERED BY RENA

Online Source For Art, Vintage Raiments, Distinctive Wares

The Story:  I have long been a painter and thrift shop habitué, and was raised by family to appreciate vintage fashion, design, and novelties.  My first experiences as a buyer and seller were in early 2008 when I signed-in to a then-fledging auction database called eBay.  Friends have prodded me for years to open my own store for art and antiques, and very possibly the elaborate and thoughtful custom gift wrapping I dabble in.  If I could, I would also work as an online flower arranger ...but technology is going restrict me there.  In recent years I have concentrated more seriously on creating work to fulfill an art series called "Just Desserts", featuring still-life renderings of iconic American novelty foods.  I also enjoy photography and may use this site as a means for extending my perspective, which often delves towards dark humor.  I eagerly accept suggestions and custom orders if feasible.  I indulge in a range of styles, both realistic and abstract, and am confident employing acrylics, latex house paints, watercolors, pencil, marker, spray paint, and beyond.  I will likely focus on selling older material goods rather than my own work, but we'll see where things lead.  Best wishes and gratitude for this overdue opportunity to express myself.

12 (x2) Years a Slave

TAKING MEASURE:  1932's "Love Me Tonight"

In the majority of circumstances, numbers do not lie.  Whether read from a calendar, scale, bank ledger, or receipt of services,  they empirically reflect our activities.  Progress in life is reported tangibly --even literally-- by the passage of days, the movement of pounds, the balance in our financial accounts, the tally of minutes spent dallying on mobile technology.  It is easy to define success or failure based on simple math.  We see it every day with the box office totals streaming from the world's film capitals:  divide the earnings for any given release by the allotment of screens on which it is displayed, taking into consideration initial budget and marketing costs.  Something as unique as a motion picture composition, labored and debated over by a multifaceted confederation of trained technicians and performers, becomes a finite commercial entity.  Success or failure is interpreted by how many people pay for admission or streaming access; whether they sleep, eat, text, or make love in the darkness of the theater has little impact upon its "bottom line".  (Awards are ultimately linked to plaudits from deserving "insiders", but that, too, is mainly another strategy for raising a project's profile --and thus its profits.  This rule of thumb of course holds less weight over time, when revision-minded critics are more removed from the circumstances surrounding a production and more easily romanced by its content.)  Twitter.com operates on a similar model:  "trending" is when a hashtagged phrase or word emerges in popular conversation; whether those comments are positive or negative is irrelevant.  As astonishing and even callous as it might read to the uninitiated, humans themselves are ranked as recognizable brands  in the entertainment and marketing industries (as anyone who has ever dealt with Q ratings can attest).  Social media bestows power to anything as long as it is mentioned, and the internet makes it possible to count the "hits" to every page or comment thread.  Twitter operates blind to the color or quality of discussion, and in that respect is a bit like television --a medium in which sports, "reality" (loosely-scripted, tightly edited soaps or gameshows), late-breaking news, and any variant of extreme stunt can command equal or more heft than more thoughtful fare.  What counts to advertisers and their paid programmers are time slots --clocked periods-- as registered by Nielsen boxes and DVR playback.  The degree of craft or complexity invested in programming is second to viewers:  who, where, and how many.  (This would be an apt time to reference 1976's "Network," the caustic, achingly relevant satire in which a news anchor's on-air mental collapse and eventual assassination is a sensation amongst tuned-in households and thus a boon for its station.)  Of course, Art (with-a-capital-"A") cannot be judged by numbers, because quality is debatable, and worth subjective.  If the Mona Lisa is the most-visited painting at The Louvre, what is to say some kind of rendering does not exist on the reverse of its canvas that is equally, if not more, riveting?  And what if that sketch or painting was the work of a "nobody"?  For argument's sake, it could be a mere doodle with vast implication regarding the Reason for Existence.  Two nights ago, a Francis Bacon triptych fetched a record-shattering $142.4 million at Christie's New York, surpassing Edvard Munch's The Scream as the most expensive, and therefore (according to press reports) "valuable" work ever sold at auction.  Does this elevate a previously obscure composition into a higher echelon, now qualifying it as a legitimate masterpiece?

Three Studies of Lucian Freud, Francis Bacon (1969)

I have been reflecting upon the relative value of numbers because I have arrived at a quantifiable milestone of my own.  As of one week ago today, I can honestly report an increase of five pounds on my body since the launch of this blog.  I realize this is a bit of a departure from this last train of thought, and I blush for the blatant circumlocution.  Achieving an "even five" prompts me to reflect on the influence of numbers, significantly integers, on how we gauge progress.  Anniversaries are generally marked by the completion of larger spans; otherwise, we would be driven mad and immobile by observing every second and sub-second and sub-sub-second, etc.  This is a little of what goes into my own way of thinking, especially given the prevalence of counting in the Obsessive-Compulsive breed.  Fortunately, should you (for whatever perverse reason) seek a window into my mind, its somewhat-loopy cartwheeling is not particularly remarkable nor brilliantly calculated.  I am no John Nash-esq case of exceptional, choreographed madness, mapping subtle patterns and drawing threads.  Nope, my disability stems more from the plain ol' brain-body deficiencies that follow nutritional wantage.  Some friends and family continue to challenge my claims of progress, if not remain oblivious to them; however, I know how much I have tried to change.  It is admittedly not as much as I am capable of, and I move forward, dragging my heels, shuffling in onwardly-stretching curls.  It is funny, because sometimes with my wonky walking routines I literally take two steps forward, one back.  It is one of those disordered ticks, but a tendency that also speaks to my development on a larger scale (pun acknowledged).  I tend to retreat after making gains, in most matters.

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I will conclude this winding chapter with an explanation of its title, a salute to what has been universally lionized as the season's front-runner for Best Picture.  Not to minimize the wrenching, hellish hardships of Soloman Northup, but I too have been, by my own doing, indentured.  If we are again to speak of anniversaries, I have spent roughly two-dozen years, almost four-fifths of my life, chained to fears that I will stumble towards obesity --the consequence of ever "letting go" and dismissing stringent eating habits.  It is insulting to the memory of those forced into servitude, I realize, but I have acted in my self-imposed sickness as dual master and minion.  I arrive at the twenty-four year benchmark by referring to my memories of first seeing Disney's "The Little Mermaid" with my maternal  grandmother in the winter of 1989.  I sat in the sticky, floor-mounted, itchy seating of Rockland's Strand Cinema upon its initial run, and the searing wistfulness that accompanied the now-classic cartoon remains potent even now.  I strongly identified with young Ariel (as most children with a dramatic sense, and thus all children, might); I saw her as a representation of delicate beauty and casual elegance.  Needless to say, the beer-bellied Sea Witch, in all her tremendous heft and swagger, did not equally appeal.  While the protagonist's charm seemed unpremeditated, the circumference of her waist did not, and I was keenly aware that a slender mid-section was somehow connected with the ancient battle between Good and Evil.  Around this time were the first signs of my crippling preoccupation with remaining thin (as I was not of substantial proportions even then), and I cannot but help to  fathom that King Titan's winsome daughter played a role in that fixation.  Ironically, hers was a bittersweet, lonely crusade for autonomy beyond a trying situation.

12 (x2) SQUARES A BABE:  A selection of the princess' finer moments

Addendum (11/20/13):  The cartoon princess archetype and brand has become increasingly pervasive in the seventy-six years since Snow White's introduction at the hands of Uncle Walt.  It was in the early 2000s that the full catalog of characters in his studio were marketed as a "line" -- tricked-out with extra-feminine accents that left them objectified and homogenous in their sparkling company uniforms.  Last spring, Disney faced a PR disaster when it attempted to release a new version of "Brave"'s lead figure, Merida, to fit within that established and wildly successful pattern.  This move raised the ire of feminists, fans, and even the film's female co-director, who had envisioned the character as a feisty tomboy archer in late-adolescence.  Cut to two days ago, exactly eight months after the initial rumblings, when an Upworthy blog posted one very talented British artist's Disney-fied reinterpretations of major historical heavyweights, including 2013 Nobel Prize-nominee and Taliban target Malala Yousafzai.  This series of illustrations is a fantastic follow-up and companion piece to Canadian photographer Dina Goldstein's bitterly clever images of fairy tale heroines placed in bleak contemporary settings.  Each manages to carefully observe and skewer these sexual, reticent icons --so freely traded within the modern Mickey Mouse set-- along with the disturbing implications of their new direction.

Art Attack!

9 3/4" x 7 3/4" mixed media collage: eggs and shadow = b&w oil painting from study in fall 2000, cut off the canvas; background = various images from Restoration Hardware 2013 catalog w/ black house paint and glossy Mod Podge added as glaze.  Pieces were then assembled in September 2013.

Watercolor still life mounted on 12" x 9" canvas with cobalt + white blended acrylic, October 2013

Watercolor still life mounted on 12" x 9" canvas painted with spray paint and white house enamel, November 2013  (Note:  the details are more subtle in person, especially in the darker shadows.)

Careful What You Witch

Belatedly rendered confessions of remorse --not for abandoning my recovery playbook, but, rather, for neglecting to maintain a regular journal feed in this, my second half-year in your company.  It has been precisely one month to the day from my last update --an unplanned coincidence-- and residue of self-reproach has been cumulatively settling in rear corridors of my mind.  I have been stubbornly, costively withholding new entries until I might provide substantive evidence of progress, but because my journey of self-improvement is deliberately gradual, definitive points of progress are difficult to reference.  I have, as you know, been incrementally adjusting to an additional pound or two and been encouraged to observe minor indications that my face might be on its way towards "rounding-out".  (Currently, one can still view the muscles in my jaw when they are pulled taught in consternation, flexing under the skin should I grind my molars.)  I would most like to reverse the rolling creases that stretch and rise in puckered seams across my brow, yet these might simply be an irreversible character trait earned from a young lifetime of pursed frowns.  Botulinum toxin might someday level these lines, but most experts point to healthy fats as the natural remedy.  At any rate, I could sooner afford a witch's brew than the needle of a cosmetic doctor, and my pride would certainly be wounded to entertain such artificial measures in the pursuit of beauty.  (Incidentally, my hair is too thin to support bangs as an effective disguise; its strands, while slippery, remain limp and wispy from prolonged deficiencies in protein, iron, and other essential minerals.)  For these reasons and others, I harbor a more cooperative posture towards weight gain.

Worrywart:  A pouting pagan summons the author's default expression.

In the past handful of weeks I have summoned a yen for more expressly creative ventures, namely collage and watercolor illustration; these stationary distractions keep me comfortably occupied in periods I might otherwise devote to exercise or other forms of physical strain.  Art also reduces ennui, not to mention the shame that circles through my system in regular chorus with blood and air.  It provides a faint sense of identity and accomplishment as I desperately search for reasons to rise from the engagement of my pillow.  This  is most sorely needed as the seasons turn a corner; the threat of winter accelerates rapidly in the Northeast, carrying on its broad back early-afternoon sunsets, crippling frosts, and, for many, depleted brio.  I hope to sell these paintings, primarily to fund a life less dependent on my parents' dime.  Should this plan fail, the better pieces will, at worst, contribute to a growing portfolio that might somehow help in solidifying a fruitful career in the service of myself or others.  Direct your attention here, dear readers, for I plan to share three new images of recent completion.  Until then, don't lose your glasses when bobbing for apples.  How else might you judge my work?

No Man's Land

For the last two years the spectrum of numbers displayed on my scale has covered a scant five pounds, and that is speaking generously.  In truth, its readings have primarily vacillated between a close handful of units separated by mere fractions.  I realize this sounds dubious, but I have been loyally recording these numbers, planning to incorporate the pages they claim in some sort of eventual art piece --much like a tourist might photograph the cell wall etchings of a decommissioned prison.  In previous entries, it has been emphasized that I find comfort in the familiar --be it the food I consume, the territories in which I walk or work, the sites I view online, the faces with whom I interact-- and my feeling toward weight fluctuation is certainly no different.  If anything, it is the impetus behind my staunch inflexibility-- the fear of a transformed self.  Not that I see my body or being as anything close to perfect.  On the contrary, I actively yearn to fill-out areas of my face, arms, and concave ass; to improve and expand my skills, comprehension, and professional/personal identity; to contribute more, taking less.  Paranoid and exacting weight maintenance would be more justified and understandable if I were at my intentioned goal, approximately ten pounds higher than my current level.  And I am not ignorant to the protestations of others, namely health practitioners, when it is said I should multiply that stated target by a minimum of 150%.  It is simply that in the last decade I have never reached beyond that figure, including at point of discharge from more than one inpatient facility.  It represents my appearance when included in a Seventeen magazine modeling shoot held on my college's Manhattan "campus" (or approximation of which, given NYU's intermittent territories within the city).  I remember discreetly disguising a bony chest with the wardrobe I self-sourced, although upon latest review I am surprised my neck wasn't more of a concern at the time.  The issue was released October 2003, with exactly ten years now past.

My myopic perspective of personal body size is defined and perpetuated by way of the digits relayed to me each morning, and these rarely fluctuate beyond tenths of a point.  For that reason I have been a bit dismayed and caught off guard by a sudden jump in heaviness that occurred roughly two weeks after committing to a decidedly revised routine.  Virtually eliminating exercise, remaining still for most of the day standing at an assigned art table, has finally made a difference after a tremendously long period of unmodified and resolute steadiness.  It is no doubt obvious to the reader that I have been resisting change by committing the same protracted workouts, along with upholding a fixed diet slow to expansion.  Because I am still rather protective of the latter, it is all the more imperative that I consider myself on a footing only slightly above "bed rest", the recommendation of most doctors for someone in my condition.  From here on I am exploring uncharted territory and must accept my new base level (which, when previously touched, would signal a day of elevated starvation).  Its repeated appearance has confirmed that hitting the number was not a fluke or mechanical error.  On the contrary, it is a sign of progress, of maturation and evolvement.  I enter these grounds trepidatiously, but, thanks to the small audience collected here, I can know that together we are complicit in pushing beyond steady, fatal infirmity.

The Malkovich Mandate: "To each his own"

In low spirits.  

Removing increasingly protracted and intensive "power walks" from my life has revealed how much of it was being squandered, as I now face interminable stretches requiring repurposing.  Unprofitable tasks designed to starve and strain have been keeping me from functioning like a "normal" adult, pushing meals later and later --laying waste to any chance of a productive work schedule-- as I resolved to burn-off calories before any more might be welcomed.  Internal energy stores are now being afforded the opportunity to build upon increased food volume and my scale is starting to respond in hesitant increments.  There is more of a challenge now to conduct myself responsibly, as the departure of my sister for England has left the recumbent bicycle accessible at virtually any hour, and it is exceedingly easy to catch-up on reading or television while occupying its seat.  Just as I have had to be steadfast with food intake as my weight inches upward, I must maintain a firm resolve to dislodge remaining exercise impulses.  Although a tad dismaying, it helps that my endurance levels and general tolerance threshold plummeted after cutting back on aerobic activity; this new weariness signals the futility and inappropriateness of straining a body comprised of minimal reserves.

I must admit, the frequent reprimands I receive from one friend in particular have helped me  "soldier on" when my weight woes overwhelm, for his scorn and expressed disappointment register deeply and inspire elevated perseverance.  He has made it clear that my seeming inability to shed disordered patterns frustrates him to no end.  The benefit of an outside motivator is what prompted me to disagree with a passing bit in this August's Vanity Fair.  For years now, the magazine has taken up the tradition of pressing a rotating celebrity guest with a fixed list of intimate questions perfected by and attributed to Marcel Proust.  Last month's interviewee was John Malkovich, pictured below in a print by Society6 artist La May.

When asked, What do you consider the most overrated virtue?, the dignified thespian responded with a dig at those who cajole the defeated:  "[I cannot abide t]he notion that someone can tell someone else how to be or what to do.  As Faulkner said, 'Once a man is in a rut, it's better just to let him stay there.  Let no man prescribe for another man's well-being.'"  I have mixed feelings about this view, as I can speak from experience that recovery is not wholly achievable without the consent and will of the afflicted individual.  And, yes, there are many who purport various cure-all measures --and loudly-- without supplying an equal measure of sugar to their vitriol.  But without a swift kick to the rear many rudderless victims of self-sabotage via addiction and denial would risk sinking further into the comfortable quicksand of a sustainable, yet increasingly toxic, lifestyle.  Perhaps Mr. Malkovich has been fortunate enough to internally reroute life's grievances, finding his answers waiting within.  This is, after all, the man  --ahem, "vessel"-- who housed numerous souls in the excellent, eponymous film by director Spike Jonze and screenwriter Charlie Kaufman.  If you are not familiar with it, I would prescribe it for your well-being.

"Noli Timere"

Sensitive to the subject of facing one's fears (and of death's eventuality), this recent dispatch seized my attention, as if a beacon, from the inner front page of Maine's Portland Press Herald:

Irish poet's last words:  'Don't be afraid'

DUBLIN -- Ireland mourned the loss of its Nobel laureate poet, Seamus Heaney, with equal measures of poetry and pain Monday in a funeral full of grace notes and a final message from the great man himself:  Don't be afraid.

Among those packing the pews of Dublin's Catholic Church of the Sacred Heart were government leaders from both parts of Ireland; poets, playwrights and novelists; all four members of the rock band U2; the actor Stephen Rea, and former Lebanese hostage Brian Keenan.

Ireland's foremost uilleann piper, Liam O'Flynn, played a wailing lament before family members and friends offered a string of readings from the Bible and their own often-lyrical remembrances of the country's most celebrated writer of the late 20th century.

Heaney won the Nobel Prize for literature in 1995 in recognition of his wide-ranging writings inspired by the rural wonders of Ireland, the strife of his native Northern Ireland, the ancient cultures of Europe, Catholic faith and Celtic mysticism, and the immutability of family ties.  He died Friday in a Dublin hospital at the age of 74.

In a tribute delivered from the pulpit, one of Heaney's three children revealed his final words: a text message from the poet's hospital bed to his wife, Marie.

Michael Heaney said the words, "written a few minutes before he passed away, were in his beloved Latin.  And they read:  'Noli timere.'  Don't be afraid."  That revelation opened a ripple of tears in the audience, including from Marie and only daughter Catherine.

- From news service reports

Thirty Days Hath "Sip"tember: Shifting Gears with Liquid Calories

Mentally and physically impaired by rapacious hunger, I am determined to see September as an open playground for taking-on new strategies in my battle with self-imposed food-denial and detaining exercise requirements.  As of today I have interrupted my precisely observed daily schedule to permit a trial breakfast of approximately one cup granola with unsweetened Almond Breeze.  Earlier, I attempted to create a frappé by stirring skim milk into a near-empty carton of lowfat mint chocolate chip ice cream, but the drink was abandoned when it became clear such a mere serving alone wouldn't yield much nutritional value (nor pleasure, what with its wan consistency and flavor).  I have for now suspended the parameters that made meals verboten should workout commitments not be met; simultaneously, calorie limits have been shelved.  What's more, I am reminding myself of the austere, awkward, and unforgiving policies exacted in recovery clinics, some of which I shall attempt to adopt --regular snack breaks, restricted movement-- with others eagerly abandoned, most notably the limited menu options and mandatory seminars on all-things-eating-disorders.  I intend to gain weight on my terms and even now feel a surge of self-empowerment (which, admittedly, I may be confusing with the energy provided by the discussed changes).  I shall continue to experiment with the NutriBullet blender received one week ago on my birthday, funneling vitamin-rich ingredients in the form of kale-fruit-yoghurt smoothies --but not in replacement of over-the-counter Orgain, Boost, or Ensure supplement beverages.  A potassium pill is also being considered to address electrolyte imbalances and prevent heart disease, not to mention cardiac arrest.  I still entertain the notion of visiting McDonalds or the local ice cream stand for a shake, but I cannot imagine swilling such a heavy dessert without great strain and discomfort to both mind and maw.  However, until I can trust my own hand to mix such drinks without excessive, purposeful dilution, this and other fast food staples are amongst the simplest, most immediate vehicles for the substantial calorie influx that healing requires.  Yes, I hesitate when considering their reputation for integrant fat and cryptic additives, but with weight gain such elements generally come part and parcel.

Assembling the components for my first NutriBullet smoothie

...which I paired with now-customary chocolate Orgain, Aug. 26th.

Sample Size Me

"The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." - Matthew 26:41

Increasingly infrequent entries to this journal, including a glaring gap of three weeks, are the consequence of mounting home renovation ventures and a lack of significant change to my circumstances.  I aim to complete minor cosmetic improvements to various interior spaces before my sister's departure, which shadows the exit of summer from New England and with it the comfortable temperatures that give license to open-window ventilation.  As far as my "food issues" are concerned, incremental advancements continue to be seen in both  attitude and scale readings.  (As of this morning, I have gained two pounds above customary levels, bringing me to my highest point yet for the year.)  I again affirm a more flexible regard for and acceptance of carbohydrates, sugars, and dairy, all of which my system aches to receive.  I have intended to supply all of the above by embracing granola, fruit juice blends, ice cream, and yogurts in addition to the low-fat cottage cheese and soy/almond beverages to which I am now accustomed.  Unfortunately, ambition once again trumps action; I have sampled all of these, but in humble allowances not capable of dramatically offsetting my unflagging loyalty to exercise.  A friend persists in promoting milkshakes as a cure-all potion, and I have again and again contemplated a drive to McDonalds or a more wholesome, locally-sourced soda fountain for a frosty malt.  Shortly after writing my last update, in fact, I goaded myself into ordering a medium McCafé strawberry-banana smoothie when the imagined fat and additives of the shakes proved overwhelming.  (I researched nutrition content for the chain's offerings beforehand, and to my surprise, calorie levels are now posted not only online, but also on the menu above the teller's counter.)  Once home, I followed this not-unpleasant, astonishingly sweet iced purée with a succulent ripe peach and customary chocolate Orgain.  (My weight, incidentally, was unaffected by the experiment.)  In the coming days, my hope is that I might summon the courage to integrate actual frappes --whether restaurant-sourced or self-made-- into meal allowances, having long ago committed my will, yet not my ways, to a much richer food plan.  It is the partly-failed execution of these intentions that continues to keep me from realizing the benefits of a less restrictive diet with sturdier, more capable body and the normalized lifestyle it in turn might afford.  To borrow from a now-retired ad campaign of the 1990s, "McDonalds -- It can happen."  Just hold the fries.

Staking-out foreign territories with the intension of experiencing native cuisine.

Artificial Fruit Infusion no. 1:  McCafé Strawberry-Banana Smoothie, July 20th

Follow-up Trial:  McCafé Blueberry-Pomegranate Smoothie, August 13th