Sunday, August 25, 2013

"It's My Party, I Can Rhyme If I Want To"

NutriBullet:  This year's birthday reward, courtesy of parents via Amazon.com


Personal Ad:  From Famished Female


Lifelong lightweight
seeks mealtime mate
to placate
the heartache
of intake.

For health's sake
a vitamin-rich nutri-shake
will satiate, and help negate
 her daily menu gaps and breaks.
With forceful fork you'd rake
all crumbs left out in the wake
of the portions she ate
in the absence of candle-crowned cake.
Her fragile life is at stake
when every morsel dictates
the direction it takes.

Cannot overstate
author's hate
of asylum locked-gates
where M.D.'s create
a shaming state.
Esteem deflates
as overseers belittle, berate,
unfairly conflate
a patient's low weight
with the calculated, mendacious traits
of an impenitent and snaky fake:
the ingrate who schemes to steal and take.

The ability to remunerate
such specialty estates
would require collection plates
or lucky lottery sweepstakes
in this, our current welfare state.
But make no mistake,
the author may not wait
to matriculate as patient-inmate,
eager, she is, to see abate
her chances of a dismal fate
that ultimately relates
to the growing anorexic mortality rate.

Arriving on this anniversary date
 at one year less than four times eight
with not much cause to celebrate,
accomplishments being nothing great,
the author seeks new routes to take;
to recalibrate, invigorate a better slate.

This August dawn may yet motivate
to work, to challenge, to stand-up straight.
The wish:  that she might actuate, accentuate,
and embrace the female body some equate 
with a mother's gift to create
when womb is nourished and awake.
The glow, the glory that relates
to womanly traits
this waif yearns to reinstate
--then, in mind and mirror, radiate--
before it's said of her, "too little, too late."

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Sample Size Me

"The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak." - Matthew 26:41


Increasingly infrequent entries to this journal, including a glaring gap of three weeks, are the consequence of mounting home renovation ventures and a lack of significant change to my circumstances.  I aim to complete minor cosmetic improvements to various interior spaces before my sister's departure, which shadows the exit of summer from New England and with it the comfortable temperatures that give license to open-window ventilation.  As far as my "food issues" are concerned, incremental advancements continue to be seen in both  attitude and scale readings.  (As of this morning, I have gained two pounds above customary levels, bringing me to my highest point yet for the year.)  I again affirm a more flexible regard for and acceptance of carbohydrates, sugars, and dairy, all of which my system aches to receive.  I have intended to supply all of the above by embracing granola, fruit juice blends, ice cream, and yogurts in addition to the low-fat cottage cheese and soy/almond beverages to which I am now accustomed.  Unfortunately, ambition once again trumps action; I have sampled all of these, but in humble allowances not capable of dramatically offsetting my unflagging loyalty to exercise.  A friend persists in promoting milkshakes as a cure-all potion, and I have again and again contemplated a drive to McDonalds or a more wholesome, locally-sourced soda fountain for a frosty malt.  Shortly after writing my last update, in fact, I goaded myself into ordering a medium McCafé strawberry-banana smoothie when the imagined fat and additives of the shakes proved overwhelming.  (I researched nutrition content for the chain's offerings beforehand, and to my surprise, calorie levels are now posted not only online, but also on the menu above the teller's counter.)  Once home, I followed this not-unpleasant, astonishingly sweet iced purée with a succulent ripe peach and customary chocolate Orgain.  (My weight, incidentally, was unaffected by the experiment.)  In the coming days, my hope is that I might summon the courage to integrate actual frappes --whether restaurant-sourced or self-made-- into meal allowances, having long ago committed my will, yet not my ways, to a much richer food plan.  It is the partly-failed execution of these intentions that continues to keep me from realizing the benefits of a less restrictive diet with sturdier, more capable body and the normalized lifestyle it in turn might afford.  To borrow from a now-retired ad campaign of the 1990s, "McDonalds -- It can happen."  Just hold the fries.

Staking-out foreign territories with the intension of experiencing native cuisine.
Artificial Fruit Infusion no. 1:  McCafé Strawberry-Banana Smoothie, July 20th
Follow-up Trial:  McCafé Blueberry-Pomegranate Smoothie, August 13th